There is no faster way to make an enemy than to tell people they are wrong.
Think about it. Have you ever told someone he is wrong by your words, deeds, or gestures, and had him agree with you? Never!
That’s because it strikes a direct blow at that person’s pride, judgement, intelligence, and self-respect.
Even worse, it makes them want to strike back. And they will never change their minds, because now you’ve hurt their feelings.
That is one of the more important warnings outlined in Dale Carnegie’s seminal work “How to Win Friends & Influence People.”
So, what are we to do in a modern world of conflicting opinions, outright disagreements, and wanton vilification?
Carnegie recommends prefacing any rebuttal with these simple phrases, genuinely and earnestly delivered:
“Well, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to be put right. Let’s examine the situation…”
Carnegie points out that “nobody in the heavens above, or on the earth, or in the waters below will ever object to you saying: I may be wrong. Let’s look at the facts.”
It’s a neutralizing statement, and will often stop even the most riled opponents in their tracks, inspiring fairness, openness, and broadmindedness. Sometimes, they will even admit that they, too, may be wrong.
If you want to win people to your way of thinking, you have to show respect for the opinions and statements of your family, your colleagues, your customers, and even your adversaries. Don’t tell them they’re wrong. Don’t embarrass or aggravate.
Instead, invite dialogue and exploration with humility and curiosity. Use a little self-deprecation. Inject some levity.
Because the fastest way to change a mind, is by first showing that yours is open.
Have a great week-
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